Jeffs-Site

Everything’s so beautiful, I thought I heard her say
different dreams and nightmares are haunting me today
faces that no longer sit across from me at the table
songs she used to sing no longer sung no longer played
pulling at me like the cold, against my face
I strain to smile against the wind that pulls me,
into it’s bleak despair, it’s sense of lies and total waste
I’m thankful for so many things inside my heart and head,
and still her words they haunt me
lying here inside my bed
answers that I wish I had,I know it’ll be ok,
I’m thankful for so many things, now and always, then, today…
God’s so very good to me, pick it all apart,
the static information flux,I glide, I wait,my beating heart,
I fall back in the songs of all the angels
love, alive, hope and faith ,beauty in ,it’s perfect state
tongues that, will not ,die,
their wings, again, the seraphim,
the spirit voice that speaks,
a lightning bolts explodes within my skin, a murmer grows into a shriek,
and now the generation hears, folds back upon itself,
starts again from where, it should have been,
and all the love pours forth and more and more again,
and all the tears are wiped away,
and all the weeds are gone,
I sit and look across the table,
wondering what went wrong,
and as the ceiling spins around,
spilling the cups filled so full,
on my own words,I almost drown
chair goes crash, and lights go out,
mumbling…
Everything’s so beautiful…..

Well, sometimes we get in those moods that are hard to explain, and then there are those that are just sad. As valentines day approaches, and those haunting feelings creep into my existence I wanted to share something that I hope you think about and hope you wonder about or think about once a while when you think of me…… As other people are gearing up for this lovely day of hearts and fun, I find myself relfecting on what I used to have, on the girl I used to know or thought I had, and the really fun times that we used to have. I remember the secret fun dinners we used to have together, talking about everything, I remember how she met me in the door giggiling and in a maid’s outfit on valentines day when I came home from work, I remember the looks, the hugs, and the quiet warm nights we spent together, I remember the slow decay of watching her turn into someone I didn’t know and didn’t understand, the lack of answers for what was going on with her, when she would admit it, I remember how hard I prayed that it would just get back to being ok and that it would just be cool again, I remember our friends dying, I remember holding her niece at her father’s funeral, I remember watching it all gradually and slowly decay, I remember wondering what the hell was going on…..I remember alot of things…. and the faces still flicker across my thoughts, and bit by bit it creeps in on me…and I am still very sad , and I am still thinking of the cool girl she used to be, and I am staring at the empty space across from my pillow and wishing I had some companionship……. and I still wish I had some answers, maybe I’ll get them, and maybe I won’t, God knows, I really wish I knew too. HE is very good to me though and for that I am very thankful, but there is still alot that hurts me, and so much I just don’t understand. So, If I step away looking a little red eyed when you’re holding your baby, or maybe look a little sad when you’re all cuddled up with your girl, or if your a girl with your guy, and my happiness looks a little strained, if everything is moving and I look a little overwhelmed as a happy, normal, cuddly couple walks up the aisle and I look like I just can’t fucking hang….. It’s just because I’m looking at them, him looking to his side, and seeing her, her looking to her side and seeking him, and then me looking around and seeing the outlined emptiness of what once was, of what used to be, and what is now, and think in the vastness of it all……. why?…. why them and not me? and it grinds in, and salts it, and pours it in deeper and more painfully than you could ever possibly know, especialy when I’m trying to be happy, and motivated, and cheerful, and talk to everyone as if everything is ok, when it least in that regard it very much for me feels very very sad, and very very confused and can’t help but wonder if only for a second. Why….. Why them and not me…. and just with regards to it all…. why, in fact I don’t even care why, it’s just fucking sad.

So if you see me looking a little sad, or staring off into space just a minute, can you just give me a hug and say something nice? and maybe just try to remember on this valentines day that it might be very different for me than it might be for you, and that a kind word, some insight, and a hug can really go a long way.

Happy Valentines Day.

Love,

Jeff

Here are some submissions that I transferred over

New World Vegetarian

Herbivore

Millenium

Urth Cafe

Well, here’s the deal and I’m trying to say this as best I can. I’m increasingly concerned about the level of Christ and Christian bashing that from various sources that I hear from time to time, and apart from just finding that sad, I wanted to share something with you that I find is a very interesting dynamic at work, and would like you to think about it as well.

there’s a couple of things that I’ll try to isolate and encourage you to think about…

the first is, often I’ll hear someone make a very broadbrushed negative statement about “Christians” without thinking about what they’re saying. Apart from the fact that within that theology there are several different interpretations of many different things, some justified and some not, When the climate of the discussion is one that will permit me to maybe ask that person ” “What is it that Christ taught that you find so offensive? Is there anything in particular? I’d kind of like to know…”

Truthfully for almost everytime I’ve outrightly asked that, the individual in question can rarely state anything to me that Christ taught at all… not a single statement in particular or a specific teaching that they can identify and tell me why they disagree with it, and as such hate Christians for abiding by it. I usually will ask them if that’s the case “well, and please help me understand, why did you just make such a negative statement about Christians if you can’t cite something that they would carry out as a follower of Christ?” In other words if you can’t identify what they hold dear, or cherish as a sacred text, or even what the goal of what Christ said we as people should aim for that is falling so dreadfully short, what ground do you have do stand on for even a simple logical argument?”(paraphrased)

Usually this is where we’re interrupted, or where people get hostile or defensive I’m guessing because I’ve exposed a weak spot in their reasoning and they’re pissed at me for it, which is a common reaction, but if someone is scapegoating anyone, that’s never ok so I think that’s kind of tough shit, (sorry, but I do..) Usually people will tell me how they had a relative that was this or that, and failed to show some aspect of compassion, or the individual in question did not like that fact that something Christ taught that something they’re doing is sinful and should try to be avoided. Well, once again that’s not Christ’s fault nor is it the goal of his teachings, and each person has things they do better than another, so there’s still no basis here. It is totally right to emphasize and remind that compassion and the love that Christ said the whole law hinged upon, That to love your neighbor as you love yourself and to love God with all of your heart, all of your mind, and all of your soul, that is the goal that we should be aiming for. But to criticize Christian’s in a big blanket kind of way just because a non-believer by their standards not God’s feels that somehow the individual in question has not fulfilled a small part of it and as such criticizes Christ has totally missed the truth and the message as a whole. Primarily for this one reason…

Christ did not teach or promise instantaneous perfection by one’s own volition. In fact he taught quite the opposite “We all fall short of the glory of God” The point is best demonstrated by this principle which I think is in the book of herbrews “Under the Law we are all sinners, if a man keeps every part of the law and breaks even one small part of, he is guilty of breaking all of it” this is the curse spoken of that came with the law, that in pointing out clearly what God views as sinful, that we all look at it and go “Crap! there’s no way I can maintain that level of flawlessness and avoid violation all on my own, I’m screwed!” this is what generates hostility and seperation between man and God, and dissention in human beings in general.

the old way, and under the old covenant(agreement) people tried to at least atone for their faults and admit they blew it was by offering a sacrifice at the temple to God as a means of apologizing for their actions, words, choices and for even what was just in their heart, if even for a minute, God looks at the inner man, and the inner human is what he is concerned with, because that is what will go forward from this world in one format or another. It was meant to make you feel bad, to see the animal have to be killed, and die for your faults, it was intended to feel fucked up and make you feel bad enough to try and avoid sin more in the future because you felt awful about that whole process, and the offering is obviously intended to make you focus on the fact that clearly you got here somehow, that people got here somehow, that it’s bigger than you, and from the best of what we can tell, the entity responsible for putting it all together is not happy that you dropped the ball about these particular issues, and that you’re mindful of that and trying to do right “The fear of God is the Beginning of Wisdom” it’s like that.

Christ’s appearing and prescence, and subsequest death, burial, and resurrection is intended to replace the old testament sacrifice in a way that is much more personal and poingniant (apart from fulfilling prophecy). That in acceptance of him as Lord and Saviour which is why he’s called “The Lamb of God” like the lambs that used to be sacrificed, that we are all saved by GRACE. It is a surrender and admittance that we recognize that we all fall short and that you are just trying to do your best, which is also part of what we’re trying to do, but not that we would all be instantly perfect and autonomously maintain sinlessness in every aspect of our existance by our own volition upon acceptance of him as The fortold Christ. This is where most people begin to realize that they’ve criticized “Christians” for something they actually THEY as the criticizer didn’t understand correctly, and usually again being rooted in conceit and arrogance, will jump to name bashing and more generalization not based on fact at this point, or try to end the conversation all together hopefully just to maybe get some time to think about what they have been saying, and reconsider their perspective.

If people hold the “Bible” (a colllection of texts regarding the interactions of the entity referred to for a long time as “YHWH” who most people pronounce “Yahweh” due to the fact that ancient hebrew did not in a written form include vowels because of a common familiarity with how it was to be said at that given time, a name whose meaning literally means ” I AM THAT I AM” which is well, what it is, and man) as sacred, then when criticizing or reasoning regarding anything a follower of this deity, or of his Christ and Son, aka. part 2 of the relationship between man and God these texts are what should be collective reviewed regarding a given subject to form an overall view of what that individual should be aiming for. The word “Sin” which once literally used in various forms of archery and games of skill centuries old is derived from a term meaning to miss the mark, to miss the bullseye as it were. So when we “sin” we are not hitting the mark of behaviour we should be aiming for, and we should encourage one another to aim better. But to state that simply because the mark wasn’t being hit, that someone wasn’t aiming or is falsly attempting to carryout the action properly, is an act of slander on the part of the Accuser.

To question is beautiful, it is an integral part of seeking, and if you aim to seek, you shall find it, be sure of this. but to accuse is an entirely different act, with an entirely different energy at work as it’s dynamic. When speaking of the Devil one of whose names in ancient Aramaic(a very very old language by the way) which litereally means “Accuser” is stated as “accusing our brethren Day and Night” , now obviously he knows how it’s all set up, and that he’s full of shit, but this is the slant and the goal of this behaviour, not to admit that he’s wrong, or concede defeat even though he clearly is, but to simply accuse to fuel his own ego, and deny the truth, and in doing so continue his position as the beast(self worship), and continue to mislead or more appropriately blind(through false accusations and ideas) man, who is God’s most cherished of all creations “made in his own image” astray, which is why Satan has another name whose name in hebrew means literally “The Adversary” because that is what he is, the adversay of man because he tries to lead humans astray from their true inheritance and fullfillment in glory as children of God made in God’s image with all the amazingness that goes with that, and the Adversary of Christ and God whose aim is to restore the relationship God intended with Man in the Beginning, and rid existence of all that is imperfect and sin eternally.

Now wouldn’t you say that someone who accuses and slanders without even so much as a simple logical conclusion or even valid statement to extrapolate as a justification for their accusations and slander was in fact, blind?

“Be aware for your adversary is as a roaring lion, prowling about, and seeking to devour someone”

A Christian as defined by Christ holds these two things more dear than anything else.

1) To love God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul.
2) To love your neighbor as you love yourself.

If you have a criticism, these are the reasoning points your statements should be based on. Tell your brother or sister perhaps how their behaviour doesn’t reflect one of these, and see if you can reason with them based on this, at the very least it will give them something to consider, and it will be based on Christs’s teachings. But remember, it might take time, and we are all saved by grace, not by our ability to maintain sinlessness by our own doing.

I’d like you to think about this.

Love,

Jeff

Ok, first I want to thank you for all the great feedback on the songs I posted! It really means alot, sincerely I say this to you, I’m really glad you’ve been digging the tunes and hope you continue to do so! I did just want to remind eveyone of something, that I really wanted this to be an all around active and positive site, where you can come for enlightenment, blogs, and ideas that will help to raise your consciousness/level of education of resources etc., but also I really wanted to make sure that everyone is clear that I genuinely need help to pay my school loands back too!!!

If you dig the tunes or something else on the site I’ve posted, can you consider maybe leaving a dollar or something in my paypal account? Every little bit helps and it does add up so please keep that in mind ok? If you buy a shirt or mug or beer stein from the merch that also counts, and I think is a really fun keep sake as well. It’s not necessary, but it is deeply appreciated. I hope you continue to bless my site with your presence and participation, if you can leave any cash can you plpease at least leave a comment? It would be deeply appreciated, and if you know anyone who would possibly like to pick up my tunes on their label, that also counts if you forward it on to them, I have cd’s available for people to listen to if they’d like and I can get those to you if you dig on it that much, of both pure acoustic and some electric as well…

Anywho, hope you’re all well, and lots of love.

Jeff