Everything’s so beautiful
yesterday she said
echo’s of the bullshit
that rattles round my head
all the different dreams
that never seem to cease
all the different wrinkles in time
that start bend and crease
heirarchy’s drumroll please
I can’t seem to feel my feet
tapping on the hard wood floors
colder than a
penguins beak
send me cross the universe
it’s only nightmares baby
God is much bigger and within us
maybe, no for sure
I thought I heard you say
Everything’s so beautiful
before you made your way
pray over and over
you could only hope to breathe
mantras echo out across the hills
across the bells
again reprieve
waves crash into ocean shore
I can smell the salt
everything’s so beautiful
the rest is not my fault
the rest is not my fault
the rest is not my fault
boxed into the cornered shell’s
urban refuse
blacktop cracking
beamers broken
devil’s laughing
who’s mispoken
send me into fields grass
listen now you best mind me
send me into greener venue’s
and I hope that you can’t find me
run on
run on
run on again
the thought’s are in your head
no one listens any way
to any words I’ve said
and I’ve done all I can do
and I do I can done
and it’s not on me to push you
not it’s not on you to run
take a flight
and hitch a ride
tomorrow’s just a joke
yesterday’s a nightmare
and maybe I’ve misspoke
and the waves are calling loudly
I can hear them crash
I can see the finger’s rifling
through the oil
through the cash
I can see it tumbling backward
everything’s ok
everything’s so beautiful…
No one listen’s anyway…..
distant dreams of yesterday
I heard it in my head
another day of same of shit
another hope a dream gone bad
another lie
anther told
another smile
goes right one by
another day you think to live
another day someone might die
another dream that slips away
another into grasp
another that you make or break
another that might last
wash away
like tar
on my hard foot
like a happy dream that once you had
that crumbled into soot
she’s such a instant smile
I hate it when that happens
can’t resist or fight the bliss
you kisses are so sweet
why can’t you be easier to resist
gosh damn it
I wish that were the case
fresh juice to my soul to drink
a brand new smile on my face
and here we go again
the end of where it starts
and just a blur a smoke screen
another blossomed broken heart
I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut
I wouldn’t be disgraced
now who sits smiling
laughing with
nothing but guilt upon their face
and still I hear it echoing
through the capistrano doves
as they come home to roost again
you ask where’s the power of love
It’s coming baby
quicker than you think
take a breath and breathe the air
take a sip and have a drink
and morning dew will frost the grass
and ocean air will rust the screws
justice hasn’t left us hanging baby
but that’s just old news
oh yeah
smile now
oh yeah
it’s coming down
oh yeah
crumbling beneath your feet
oh yeah
naught but rot is all you’ll have to eat
and still the horses trod the winepress
seven saddles high
and still they trod the winepress
who’s to lie and who’s to die
and still they trod the wine pres
glowing in the future bright
what’s those words your looking for
mercy on me Lord tonight…..
and she says baby
won’t you come back to bed
I say maybe just let me
get these thoughts out of my head
she said pray see and then it will all make sense
or just lay with me,
and let the warmth speak to us
itself
as we sleep…..
yeah that’s how the story’s told
she so soft see…
and she talks when eyes are closed
it’s amazing
what people say when when truth is spoken
what they say
promises made some are broken…..
distant dreams of yesterday
I heard it in my head
another day of same of shit
another hope a dream gone bad
another lie
another told
another smile
goes right one by
another day you think to live
another day someone might die
another dream that slips away
another into grasp
another that you make or break
another that might last
wash away
like tar
on my hard foot
like a happy dream that once you had
that crumbled into soot
and the cold
night
air,
creeps into my
throat,
while my soup is, still burning
on
the
stove…..
you ask where’s the power of love
It’s coming baby
quicker than you think
take a breath and breathe the air
take a sip and have a drink….
tomorrow is still dreaming on……
I sat her wondering
thinking
how things all play out
and what a weird fucking world it is(oh no close your eyes Yusie it’s the F word!)
only just a few weeks ago
I wrote a post at 130 in the morning
about how I didn’t think that the state of california
paid the people who really made a difference in the biggest ways
worth a shit at all,
the teachers, the Social workers, the non profiteers,
all of that
and I said “but I can’t escape it, I love to help people”
(Anyone who read the whole thing would have read that plainly)
and now here I am
helping the homeless
meeting with people on the street at 8:00 in the morning
and in their hotels
and helping them to get back on their feet
watching them go from that to their own apartments…
and the tears in their eyes as things slowly get back on track
It’s really fucking heartbreaking folks
you know, if people were just decent Christians(how’s that sound Yusie…), or took care of their families
I would be totally out of a job,
and in this case I’d never be happier about anything in my life
what an accomplishment that would be
as a society,
as a people
or a generation,
but instead here I am…….
Nutrition is my passion, and I won’t let a little setback get me down,
just wait and see what’s coming down the pipeline,
I shoud be thankful, I just wanted to leave on my own terms more,
that’s all,
it’s more of a compulsive thing than anything,
a matter of self esteem and respect…
But I guess you have to forgive the people who really get you down,
and bless them,
wish them lots of love
and keep being nice just like you always were,
and just hope for the best
who the hell knows what people’s problems are these days….
honestly,
it’s just a mess
and the people with the most ability to make a difference,
those with the most cash,
and the most time
don’t lift a fucking finger nearly often enough to make the dent in it that they should.
Well, nuff said….
Promise me this,
if your relative starts to have some rough times
or gets into some tough times,
clear out a room,
tell them you love them
and for goodness sakes
give them a place to stay
don’t leave them out on the street,
cold
hungry
hopeless,
sad,
smelling like piss,
with their teeth all fucked up,
in the same clothes they’ve been wearing for like a month,
while you piss and moan over not having the right sunglasses,
or a skirt didn’t come in your size,
I know we can’t do everything,
and believe me when I say, that individually,
this load is much too much to bear,
I’m really feeling it,
especially at christmas,
but
collectively,
if we each make just a little effort,
it really goes a long way,
and really makes a big difference.
Think of it like this,
if everyone that drove past you gave you just a dollar,
I mean, to them, who gives a shit,
it’s just a dollar right,
that’s nothing,
but if for everyone who drove past you on the freeway,
it automatically meant a dollar in your pocket,
think how much you’d have to work with at the end of the day….
that’s how compassion works.
and realizing that I was very right
the state of california really doesn’t pay people worth a shit
they pay better than what I was making by far
but unfortunately that’s not saying much
It’s weird though you know
I feel like I should go to nice guys anonymous
sit down at the meeting and say
“Hi, my name is Jeff,
(crowd:Hi Jeff)
and I got fucked over by people I thought really liked me,
and that I thought I could trust
(crowd:Sorry Jeff, but it’s not your fault, vengance is the Lord’s)”
Ok, thank you crowd, I appreciate your support
but honestly at least I feel like for the brief amount of time I can do this
I can help to turn the tables for people,
I miss everyone where I was very badly though,
and a couple of sour apples doesn’t spoil the bunch
I just feel sad that after all that time getting to know me,
and after all that the Lord tells you to do,
you didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt,
and a little grace and mercy.
Now, ladies….
Yusie….
Kylvia…
what would the Lord say about that……?
I might use the F word,
but at least I don’t hurt innocent people,
deny them grace if they’ve fucked up….
especially if they just say they’re sorry….
I’m at the door, ready to help, whether they use words I like or not.
Can you say the same?
Honestly,
what in the world did that little tantrum of yours accomplish?….
and you’ve got the nerve to say I did something wrong….
I forgive you, and I wish you love in every possible way…
for your family and your friends…..
and just for the record…..
in case you get the urge to do something not so nice again…
flipping out and letting someone go, two weeks into them starting grief counseling
is a really shitty thing to do….
Please don’t do that again to anyone else ok?
It’s pretty rough to deal with….
But what do you care right?
Right.
God Bless you and your never mistake making selves,
Love,
Jeff
I’m still haunted by the dreams from yesterday
all those pictures and conversations of laura
It didn’t make sense at first
and then just out of the blue
when I was clicking though the tv
there it was
the grinch on tv
did I know it was going to be there
no not a bit
and I had been wondering all morning
why I had such intimate dreams of her
now at least that bit made sense
what bother’s me though
is that my dreams of late arent that good
which means my days wont be so good either
and it scares me
but I do see that they get better after a little bit
like way better
so we’ll see how it goes
I hope the days get better
I can’t take much more of this…
that much I’m sure of.
WEll that’s enough of this business of being angry over a disappointing job I knew I’d have to quit if things didn’t change anyway, what a downer…..
Sigh, any way….
Let’s get back to positive things which is what this has been about all along…. for those who actually take time to read, instead of hurriedly misreading, and misinterpreting….
Ah, well to start things of i ahve a lovely new coffe maker
absolutely delish
I’m so happy
It’s always such a nice feeling to wake up and have your coffee already brewed
my new thing is to put some cardamom with it and it tastes to good!
Clove tastes great with it too…
As holiday friendly as some of those spices are in reprospect,
I’m really not in much of a holiday mood
I really don’t like my new job that much
and they were pretty dishonest about alot of aspects of it
the pay is decent, but barely covers my expenses
so back to the drawing board I guess
I’m pretty “marketable” so I’m told
hopefully that holds true
looking for work during Christmas season is a pretty emotionally crappy situation don’t you say?
Yeah..
It’s very stressful
but I’ve got tons of side work
and some great leads
it’s just a change of scene
that’s all it will ever be
you’ll make friends wherever you go
and things will level off
and then it will be better..
Yikes I’m pretty ripe this morning…
Better hit the showers
You know there’s just something about sweat that really turns me on….
just particular scents
people make such an effort to cover it up, and
past a certain point it is funky and nasty
but those first couple of days
it’s really not bad
and I really think it has a purpose of communication
to others
regarding your compatibility
and emotional stasis
I’d love to do a set of dating sessions
where people were blindfolded
and took a whiff of different ladies,
and the ladies of their gents
and picked the person who’s scent they were most attracted to
and saw how it went….
I think that would be awesome
and I’d love to see the results…
Well, got to hit the bricks,
I’m over at the Health Emporium today….
big shindig
tons of healthy people
really nice
man
I have to go to the bathroom….
really bad
Time to bone out,
Until next time….
Love,
Jeff
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